we have had a meeting here at the NRA

and are coming out with a paper in which

we define the right to own a gun

as the single most important issue

facing our society and the world today

you think we’re kidding? well get this:

you can do a lot with a gun

you can increase your income

then you can afford health care

you can use your gun to effect change

people listen when you’re carrying a gun

you can use a gun to travel to exotic places

a gun is cool  we’d like to see a fashion

around it: gun chic  in which you wear

your gun much like those cool cowboys

in the Old West  with boots and vests etc.

think of the jobs this would create

a gun is the one thing that bonds all Americans

regardless of race color creed economic status

political beliefs and intelligence

cause owning a gun says you’re smart

you can take a gun to bed with you

we recommend a loaded gun  unloaded guns

act kinky at the wrong time and we can’t have that

guns run the world  look at the papers

you can start with a gun and next thing

you know you’re ruling your own country

and global warming and the environment?

well you can’t make the weather change by

shooting it  but it’ll make you feel better

and guns–here’s the best part–will always

be there for you  cause we’re making sure

that NO OTHER ISSUE will get in the way

of an American’s right to keep and bear arms

to protect our country with a well armed militia

from immigrant invasion and gay sprawl

not to mention the Black Helicopters flown

by other assorted pre-verts working for the CIA

take a walk down the street in your town

how many of the people you see own a gun?

do you wonder why you keep getting dirty looks?

here at the NRA we’re defending your rights

championing the cause of Our Founding Fathers

who wouldn’t have been able to Create America at all

if it were only the goddamned Indians who had the guns

in these difficult political social and economic times

a gun is something you can count on

and if things really get you down

well that’s something a gun can help with too

so got out and buy a gun  or two or three

and when they come for you you’ll be ready

we all know who they are  don’t we?

GUNS  your only real friend left

we know  and you can take that to the bank

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.