Governor Douglas mysteriously disappeared yesterday, and State Police have not ruled out the possibility of foul play. While the police have released little information, questions have arisen relating to observations over the course of the day surrounding the Governor’s pants.
GMD has managed to collect photos taken at different times throughout the day prior to the Governor’s disappearance, and the photos reveal an odd – and concerning – pattern:
In addition, GMD has learned that the reports from witnesses immediately prior to the Governor’s disappearence also suggest that the gradual, yet steady rising of Mr. Douglas’s beltline over the day may be more than a simple coincidence.
Witnesses report that at approximately 4:30 PM, the Governor entered his office, complaining of fatigue. At the time, those same witnesses report that his pants had risen to a point only inches from his neck. When staffers became concerned after the Governor failed to re-emerge, they entered the office and found only the following, shown here in this leaked police photo of the scene:
State Police have taken the pants in for questioning. A formal statement is expected soon, but an official spokesman has indicated that rumors that the pants in question were heard to utter “feed me” as they were removed from the Pavilion building are without merit.
and I think you missed it (my emphasis for importance and relevance):
Quoted from The New Oxford American Dictionary:
Can we water-board those slacks, or at least send ’em through the wringer? (Okay, a bit anachronistic … but I actually remember them machines.)
Governor Douglas may have been in someone’s pocket all along as many have suspected but few have attempted to prove.
became distressed immediately upon entering the office, and began panting heavily.
Has to change his pants every time he runs into protesters. Because he is so afraid of his constituents that he craps his pants.
Any reason to suspect he staged his own disappearance? I’d put those pants in the witness protection program ASAP !!