( – promoted by odum)

New Chief of the Vermont State Police, Tom L’Esperance, has announced a major break in the case of Governor Douglas’ mysterious disappearance.

L’Esperance told reporters this afternoon the department “has reason to believe that there is a fiendishly dangerous, interstate legging ring, headquartered in VT.”

This ring, according to sources, has nationwide reach, and was run out of the left rear pocket of the Governor’s pants. Details are sketchy, but unnamed individuals in the Governor’s office have told this reporter that just before his disappearance, the Governor mumbled that someone was “in his pocket,” and he planned to “take care of the situation.”

Our office has been leaked a copy of the following police sketch, laying out the interrelationships of the suspected ring members:

While the pants were the obvious mastermind, located at the heart of the ring, the other players, especially Trousers are wanted for questioning.

Police consider the suspects extremely dangerous, and strongly recommend you avoid approaching them. Instead call the special hotline at the end of this article, immediately, if you should see them in your neighborhood.

The bloomers are said to be particularly starchy, and are likely to chafe and scratch unsuspecting victims. The following artist’s rendering has been released to help the public identify this particularly dangerous garment:

Police are offering a reward for any information leading to the arrest and conviction of bloomers, knickers, trousers, or other ring members.

To report a sighting, call: 1-800-555-FOOL.