Caroline Bright is one of two Democratic candidates for the Vermont Senate from Franklin County.  The recent St. Mike’s graduate has dreamt of serving in the Legislature since she was a girl.  Now, with former Democratic senator Don Collins and three Repubs, she finds herself in the thick of a hotly contested race for the two available seats.  

I thought I’d take the opportunity to get to know this poised and goal-oriented young woman, as she is likely to figure significantly in the political future of Franklin County.   So I asked her to sit down with me over a cup of coffee at Cosmic Bakery in St. Albans.  

I had read her bio and general Democratic profile on the campaign website, but I wanted to know more about her views on topics that are important to the folks around here.

It was a pleasant surprise to find that Caroline has depth beyond her tender years, and the self-confidence that would enable her to make an impression in the statehouse on behalf of her constituents.  She comes to the table well-grounded in the complex world of politics and public policy, having majored in Political Science and minored in those twin disciplines that underly most modern conflict, History and Religious Studies.  

One of the driving motives that brought her into this campaign is the need she sees to balance the legislature with more female voices.  Women’s perspective, she believes, is essential and decidedly different when it comes to many issues that tend to impact their lives more substantially than their male counterparts.  The lack of equal representation is one flaw that she sees in our citizen legislature, which she otherwise praises for its accessibility and relevance.

Throughout the early weeks of the campaign, Caroline has repeatedly emphasized her particular interest in the future of diversified agriculture and educational opportunity, both of which she feels represent essential cornerstones in the ability of Franklin County to prosper.  In addition, she sees expanded technology opportunities as vital to the creation and retention of quality jobs for Franklin County residents.

I ran a bunch of topics past her and here’s what she had to say:

Education; The young candidate feels uniquely positioned to speak to the challenges facing young people in obtaining the education necessary to make their way in life.

She believes that quality education, including access to institutions of higher learning (college, tech and trade schools) should be a priority for the state and for the country; but that  we should be looking for efficiencies to improve delivery of education to the broadest possible population at a manageable cost.  

She is very much in favor of advancing distance-learning opportunities for rural communities, so that gifted high-school students can have access to  A.P. courses and other forms of enrichment learning that are not currently supportable on a local basis.

If we don’t have an educated population, and that includes skilled technical education, there is no economic future for the state or the country.  

Caroline brings an interesting and valid perspective to this conversation, as someone who grew up in a rural community she finds herself supporting school choice, not for the nation as a whole, but for the unique challenges of this rural state.

She sees increased distance learning opportunities as a possible way to achieve some of the benefits of school choice without the drawbacks.

She says we have to find a way to bring down the cost of higher education for Vermonters.

Diversified agriculture:  Caroline sees a lot of potential in diversified crops and animal farming.  She mentioned particularly the opportunities in goat-farming, artisan cheeses, and forestry.  She knows the value of a vibrant working landscape.  Her grandfather was a county ag agent and she knows well the importance of maple and dairying as traditional Franklin County industries.  It is important that we

     

Develop safely, sustainably and reasonably.

Vermont GMO labelling:  She says that consumers have the right to know what is in the food they buy to feed their families.

On  water issues: She believes that everyone has a role to play in protecting the lake from further degradation; that everyone in Franklin County is a “stakeholder;” and that every party must have a seat at the table in order to have a successful outcome.  She knows the struggle farmers are facing to control phosphorus and is encouraged that more are becoming actively engaged in that effort.

On the loss of young people from the state:  Caroline says that a decline in youthful populations is being experienced across the country, so Vermont is not unique in facing that challenge.   She believes we need to continue to create new opportunites in technical industries and to attract quality jobs  to the area.  

However, she also sees opportunities and new markets in the shifting demographics.  Northwestern Medical Center represents one of those local growth industries that has recognized and begun to reach the aging client base with services related to preventative care, education and outreach.  

Again, she says the appropriate response to a changing market is to be nimble and diversify.

She feels that one of the key factors in attracting a young workforce is to demonstrate how valued their voices are by electing some younger representatives, like herself, to the State House.

About “Trickledown” economics:  She observes that it may be an appealing idea but has been demonstrated to be lacking in effectiveness.  She says that while she is not a tax expert, the beauty of serving in a citizen-based legislature is that it brings on board individuals with diverse skill sets and she looks forward to learning a great deal from her colleagues in the senate.  

In her view, it is most important to keep an open mind and listen to different arguments; and she she sees that working more effectively in Vermont than on the national stage.

She believes that people choose to live in Vermont for a lot of reasons, not just economics.  She is in favor of offering tax incentives when the state wishes to keep employers in Vermont, but does not like the “scare tactic” of suggesting that businesses will shut down operation in the state unless they are given unfair advantages.

One of the interesting things she said was that she has been thinking about the other senate candidates from Franklin County, as she has met and gotten acquainted with them.  Because there are two open seats, she is thinking about each one and how she might work best in a team with each one so as to bring about the best representation for Franklin County.  I am reasonably sure that she is the only candidate who has taken that perspective, but it couldn’t hurt any of them to do so.

We touched on a lot of other things, but my overarching impression is that Caroline will be a force to reckon with in Franklin County politics and beyond.  One of the things that carried Peter Shumlin to the governor’s seat was his energetic, confident personality and ability to overlay an argument with compelling passion.  Caroline is at the very start of her career, but I see signs of the same drive and nascent political confidence developing in her.

This may be her first rodeo, but it certainly won’t be her last.

TitanicCare! According to Brock’s response to the Supreme Court upholding the ACA (Obamacare):

Today’s Supreme Court decision only postpones the day of reckoning for Governor Shumlin’s TitanicCare health care law.  Federal dollars can now temporarily plug the huge holes the Governor’s plan will generate in Vermont’s budget.  Let’s be frank about this: TitanicCare is doomed to sink and take all of us with it.  It’s just going to sink a teeny bit slower with this subsidy and nobody, not even Governor Shumlin, believes the subsidy will last forever.

The Titanic analogy would be spot on if we applied it to the current health care payment system. My version goes like this, the ship hit an Iceberg and there are a lot of rich and relatively well off middle class folks in life boats. A lot of them took pity on the really poor and gave them MedicAid and the elderly are in the somewhat nicer MediCare boats. Unfortunately all of us healthy folks who make some money but not enough to buy our own full coverage are treading water praying we don’t drown or fall asleep before the rescue boats arrive. Meanwhile Randy Brock and his people are comfy in their lifeboats, using their radios to tell everyone “Hey, it’s going to be too expensive to make sure EVERYBODY gets a seat in a boat, then we’ll all drown!” He’s tossing me a life preserver labeled “high deductible plan” and I, like Jack, have my wife and my kid up on the thing (precariously, but safe for now) while I freeze in the water…  

( – promoted by Sue Prent)

People Pedal Independence From Entergy During July 1st Rally & Action

On July 1 the people of the tri-state community will show their resolve and a commitment to a clean energy future.  This is a commitment to rid ourselves of a corporation that holds itself above the laws of the state of Vermont.   “We will gain our independence from this untrustworthy corporation.  Citizens will return again and again until Entergy shuts down and safely decommissions Vermont Yankee,” said Deb Katz, Executive Director of the Citizens Awareness Network.

People from across Vermont, Massachusetts and New Hampshire will declare independence from the Entergy Corporation (ENR) during a July 1st rally and non-violent act of civil disobedience.  Organizers plan a 10:00 AM rally with short speeches and performance taking place at the Brattleboro Common, Brattleboro, VT.  This will be followed by a bicycle procession to Vernon, VT and nonviolent direct action at the gates of the Vermont Yankee nuclear reactor. Those unable to bike from Brattleboro will be taken by bus to Vernon. Participants risking arrest will be trained in nonviolence and part of an affinity group.

“Citizens are declaring their independence from Entergy and its systemically mismanaged reactor.  The state of Vermont has already replaced the power that Vermont Yankee provided,” said  Debra Stoleroff of the Vermont Yankee Decommissioning Alliance  “We must aggressively move away from polluting forms of energy use and towards efficiency, conservation and renewable solutions.   We must hold this corporation accountable for its leaks, lies, arrogance and waste.”

As the Entergy vs. the State of Vermont case winds its way through the courts and the Public Service Board opens a new hearing on whether Entergy can receive a CPG from the state, Vermont Yankee continues to operate at reduced power due to reliability and deferred maintenance issues.  “While Entergy wields its temporary power in court, citizens will continue to demonstrate our actual power on the streets. We are not going away until Entergy closes up and cleans up,” said Bob Bady of the Safe & Green Campaign.

We intend to provide Entergy with a going away present at the gates of Vermont Yankee. This will include an elaborate presentation of a 14′ x 8′ Trojan Cow weighing 600 lbs, designed by Vermont sculptor Ria Blaas.

“As a declaration of our independence from Entergy Corp, a ‘gift’ will be given to signify our moving on.  Entergy Vermont Yankee is no longer relevant,” said Katz.

Organized by the SAGE Alliance. For details and updates, go to www.sagealliance.net or www.facebook/shutdownvermontyankee

 

With gratitude to Camper Van Beethoven:

Where, where the hell is Bill?

Where, where the hell is Bill?

I thought it was time to check in on Vermont’s self-designated Prophet of Prosperity, Bruce Lisman. He of the “nonpartisan” Campaign for Vermont, the advocacy group that’s spent at least a quarter-million of Bruce’s Bear Stearns Bucks slamming the Democratic agenda and promoting conservative talking points. When last we checked in on Bruce, he was littering the airwaves with advertising and spreading his gospel through opinion pieces in various media outlets.

(What he wasn’t doing much of, at all, was engaging in dialogue — the supposed raison d’être of CFV. As Doug Hoffer recently pointed out on this site, virtually all of Lisman’s communication is one-way and pre-produced. He may be promoting dialogue, but he’s been conducting a months-long, self-funded monologue.)

Anyway, I visited the CFV website, and was rather surprised to see that Bruce hasn’t been doing much of anything lately. The CFV site is almost as sleepy as Vermont Tiger, in fact.

After the jump: The absence of Bruce, and possible explanations.

There is one new listing under “LATEST NEWS.” It’s for a June 26 talk by Lisman at the Brattleboro Chamber of Commerce. (CFV doesn’t offer any audio, and I would looove to hear a recording of that speech. Lisman’s speeches reveal much more of his true agenda than his sanitized radio ads. Anyone out there sneak into the BCoC with a recorder?)

Otherwise, meh. There’s only one other June listing in “LATEST NEWS,” and it’s just a note that one of CFV’s partners, Richard Pembroke, Sr., had published an opinion piece in the Manchester Journal and on, ahem, True North Reports, that nonpartisan beacon of truth.

Before that, the “latest news” is from May 11, for goodness’ sake. And that’s just a note about an opinion piece by another CFV partner. Sad.

Click on “RESOURCES,” and you see nothing much. Pembroke’s opinion piece is the only entry more recent than May 10. Under “Press Releases,” the most recent is May 1 — CFV’s lament over the legislature’s failure to act on Lisman’s agenda. No “news” at all in two months of campaign season?

The CFV website doesn’t list any radio ads newer than April. And I have to say, it’s been a while since I heard one of its ads on WDEV. (From Thanksgiving through most of this spring, CFV was buying a dozen ads per day on WDEV, and spending just as heavily elsewhere.)

And under “Interviews,” nothing since Lisman’s epic March 14 appearance on VPR. Yup, really engaging in that dialogue he treasures so much.

So we must ask the musical question: with the exception of his popup in Brattleboro, Where the Hell is Bruce? After several months of ubiquity, why has CFV gotten so sleepy? I can think of a few possible explanations:

Short Attention Span Bruce. CFV was a shiny new toy, but after a while he got bored with the whole tedious “trying to influence the political process” thing. Maybe he bought Bob Stiller’s yacht.

Thin-skinned Bruce. He’s taken a fair bit of heat, much of it from Your Friendly Neighborhood GMD. Probably a tough thing for a longtime Wall Street baron: he returns to the land of his humble upbringing to bestow his wisdom to the unwashed, only to become the target of our spitwads and paper planes. Where’s the gratitude? The bowing before the throne, the kissing of the ring?

Please-Go-Away Bruce. Perhaps the returns on his winter/spring barrage were disappointingly small. How many people actually joined CFV, or responded to his tsunami of advertising? CFV might have made the same discovery as Americans Elect: that a bottomless wallet doesn’t help you sell a pig-in-a-poke.

Bruce 2.0. Having established CFV through a high-profile media campaign, maybe Bruce has switched to a quieter grass-roots effort to organize a true political movement.

….Naaaaah.

Snake in the Grass Bruce. He might have decided that spending over $200,000 before April 1 was a waste of money, since hardly anybody was paying attention to politics back then. (We were, of course, but we’re sick little puppies with no social life.) It could be that he decided to pull back for a while, and launch a second offensive this fall.

My money’s on Snake, but it’s too soon to tell. We’ll get some evidence on July 25, when lobbying groups have to turn in their spending reports. After that, if Bruce and CFV start popping up around Labor Day, then we’ll know he’s been saving his ammunition. If not, then perhaps Bruce will soon be nothing but a fond memory of yet another rich man trying (and failing) to co-opt Vemront’s political process.  

Cross-posted from Rational Resistance:

There are plenty of places you can read about the decision yesterday on the Affordable Care Act, but there's one observation worth making.

Over at Slate Matt Yglesias has a story about Scalia's dissent (my very favorite sentence to read: Scalia, J., dissenting) and how he arrives at the conclusion that a number of ancillary provisions, such as a provision deregulating dental services,in the Act are also unconstitutional.

Some provisions, such as requiring chain restaurants to display nutritional content, appear likely to operate as Congress intended, but they fail the second test for severability. There is no reason to believe that Congress would have enacted them independently. The Court has not previously had occasion to consider severability in the context of an omnibus enactment like the ACA, which includes not only many provisions that are ancillary to its central provisions but also many that are entirely unrelated—hitched on because it was a quick way to get them passed despite opposition, or because their proponents could exact their enactment as the quid pro quo for their needed support. When we are confronted with such a so called “Christmas tree,” a law to which many nongermane ornaments have been attached, we think the proper rule must be that when the tree no longer exists the ornaments are superfluous. We have no reliable basis for knowing which pieces of the Act would have passed on their own. It is certain that many of them would not have, and it is not a proper function of this Court to guess which.

This paragraph is simply more evidence that everything Scalia does is unhinged from the Constitution.

Many states have a legislative rule or constitutional provision known as the title-object rule, which generally says something like “Every bill must be directed to a single object, which shall be expressed in its title”. It is specifically intended to prevent Christmas tree legislation. Under this rule, legislators can be seen to adopt any legislative provision based on its own merits, not, as Scalia warns us, because they are “hitched” to another piece of legislation. You can agree or disagree that such a rule is a good idea, but it is beyond doubt that we have no such rule in the U.S. Constitution. Scalia is just making it up as a ruse to get rid of legislation he doesn't like.

As I say, unfettered by any pretense of constitutional reasoning.

TJ Donovan has bagged another union endorsement in his bid for Attorney General, and it’s a big one: The Vermont State Employees’ Association (VSEA), which has more than 6,000 members.  And the endorsement came with a slap at incumbent Democrat Bill Sorrell:

After the jump: Hey, Bill’s got some supporters too!

AG Sorrell has announced some endorsements of his own this week — basically continuing his parade of retirees. Per vtBuzz, the latest Sorrell backers include…

…former Burlington Police Chief/state Public Safety Commissioner Tom Tremblay, along with a string of other Vermont law enforcement types. Also on the list were A. James Walton, one of Tremblay’s predecessors as public safety commissioner, retired state police Col. John Sinclair and  Majors James Dimmick and Nick Ruggerio, former University of Vermont Police Chief  Gary Margolis and former Burlington deputy chiefs Steve Wark and John Sonnick.

Does it just seem like virtually all of Sorrell’s high-profile backers are people who used to be something? Of course, the senior vote is nothing to sneeze at in a Democratic primary. And hey, I’m AARP-eligible myself. But the list does have a distinct air of ex-ness about it.  

Can I hear a Hoorah!?

We interrupt this program to crow briefly over the Supreme Court Decision on so-called “Obamacare;” and to point out that we should contain our enthusiasm, because it is still a long way from secure, and even further from perfect.  

There are still many, many battles ahead on the federal and state level before we have truly universal healthcare. But it’s worth the struggle because

“Healthcare is a human right.”

What the hell… “HOO-rah!”  

Kestrel, cue the Supremes.

It’s an oft-repeated rule of life in the age of e-mail, text and Twitter: Don’t press SEND unless you’re really, really sure. Don’t post something online or in an e-mail that you wouldn’t mind seeing on a billboard.

Well, Paul Burns blew it bigtime. The Executive Director of VPIRG sent an overheated e-mail to the VPIRG board shortly after learning that his employee, Cassandra Gekas, was running for Lieutenant Governor. And yup, the e-mail was leaked to the media — Seven Days and the Vermont Press Bureau, at least.

In it, he blasts Governor Shumlin for enticing Gekas into her candidacy, and depicts Gekas as a dupe for taking Shumlin’s bait.

Oops.  

In his e-mail, he says this about Shumlin:

I believe that Cass was talked into this by the governor and others.  He should be ashamed of himself. …He deserves to hear from others who don’t appreciate this self-serving political move.

And on Gekas’ decision he says “I know it sounds absurd but it’s true… I hope [Gov. Shumlin] has a nice job waiting for her after she loses a race for which she is completely unprepared, but it’s no excuse.”

Hmm. If I were Gekas, I’d be a tad insulted. And if I were another VPIRG employee, I’d wonder what Paul Burns really thinks of me.

Elsewhere in the e-mail he characterizes Gekas’ departure as “doing great damage to VPIRG” and says “I let her know how important her leadership was in the office.” There’s a bit of cognitive dissonance: is Gekas vital to VPIRG’s work, or is she a chump? She can’t be both, can she?

So far, Burns has refused to comment on the e-mail. I’ll bet. The fact that he sent it, even in the heat of the moment, doesn’t reflect well on his leadership qualities. A manager has to manage him- or herself as well as the staff, and he failed.

Indeed, he may be the one “doing great damage to VPIRG,” having made some harsh accusations against the Governor. It also may indicate some internal problems at VPIRG; somebody leaked that e-mail, knowing what damage it would do to Burns. As Seven Days’ Paul Heintz noted, the VPIRG Board “includes a number of prominent Shumlin supporters and donors.”

Do you think those “prominent Shumlin supporters” were happy to receive that e-mail from Burns? Do you think that one of them might be the source of the leak?

As I wrote previously, Gekas is not without fault, and Burns has reason to feel aggrieved. She gave him almost no notice of her candidacy, and that was wrong. But Burns made a royal mess of things. Here, free of charge, is a little management advice for the next time a valued employee/chump decides to run for Lieutenant Governor:

Remain calm. Discuss a mutually agreeable departure. Notify the staff and Board in a non-inflammatory way. Release a public statement lamenting her departure from VPIRG and praising her public service. If you have to vent your real feelings, do it verbally with someone you trust. Otherwise, keep your trap shut and DON’T PRESS SEND. Go home and have a stiff drink.  

Now, Mister PeteySweety’s Neighborhood is something I’ve been doing on Facebook for a while.  All this nostalgia for Mister Rogers, and remembering Eddie Murphey’s brilliant Mister Robinson’s Neighborhood on SNL.  Mister PeteySweety can’t wait til late July and early August for the primary bullshit.  Can you say, kiddies: BILL SORRELL SUCKS?  I knew you could.  But this one is about Agri-Mark shitting on Vermont (“…our friendly farmers in New York and New England”  Fuckers!)  Also, a little friendly fun with Michael Colby, who exposed Cabot a long time ago (1995) on BGH.  Can you say:  LIBERAL FUCKS?  I knew you could.

MISTER PETEYSWEETY’S NEIGHBORHOOD

(With ‘special’ guests Larry, his brother Darryl, and his other brother Darryl to talk about their new line of Vermont Cheeses.  And ‘special’ thanks to Mister Michael Colby, mentioned below, repeatedly, for helping and inspiring Mister PeteySweety in his pursuit of truth and justice for young kiddies up to age 10, and especially truth and justice for young kiddies with older sisters.)

Hi kiddies.  I have something really special for you today because Mister PeteySweety’s got a special hair up his asshole today.  It’s a special show.  Because Mister PeteySweety thinks you’re special.  And Mister PeteySweety wants you to write another special letter today after we’re done with our special guests.  That’s right.  It’s going to be Letter Day again.  Yes.  Can you say:  AGRI-MARK IS A NAZI DOUCHE-BAG COMPANY THAT SHOULD PUT ‘WE FUCK VERMONT FARMERS’ AS A LABEL ON ALL ITS SHIT?  That’s right.  Mister PeteySweety is some wicked pissed, kiddies, about those mo’fuckers at Agri-Mark taking the Vermont logo off their Cabot Cheese products.  Listen to this shit, kiddies.  The dildo-dipshit-asshole fuckers say it’s because they’re complying with Vermont’s Truth In Labeling law, but Mister PeteySweety knows the real reason.  Can you say that special word Mister PeteySweety taught you our first time together?  That’s it–CONSPIRACY!  I knew you’d remember, cause you know Mister PeteySweety really likes that word.  And you kiddies should too.  It covers a lot of bases.  Like when your mommy and daddy tell you that you can’t get a handgun for Christmas, you say to them:  “What the fuck kind of CONSPIRACY is this, fucking mommy and daddy?  You’re violating my Second Amendment rights!  I WANT THAT FUCKING GUN IN CASE THE NAZIS COME FOR ME!!!  See.  It’s that easy.  You can do it.

So today, Mister PeteySweety says to Agri-Mark:  “We don’t need your steeenking cheeses.  Mister PeteySweety has some special friends who are making REAL Vermont Cheese.”  Come on out here guys.”

“Hi, kiddies.  I’m Larry.  This is my brother, Darryl.  And this is my other brother, Darryl.  Mister PeteySweety brought us here so we could tell you about the new All Native Vermont and Specially Aged Cheeses we’ve been making out in the woods, and hope to sell across the country, since Cabot is no longer officially a Vermont Cheese.  Hold up the first sample, Darryl.

Now this, kiddies, is our special Larry, Darryl & Darryl Aged In The Woods Vermont Cheddar.  Made from pure Vermont milk from pure Vermont cows we milk ourselves when the farmer in question is sleeping off his drunk after finding out he’s even more in debt than he thought.  We drive our truck all around Vermont.  The cows have gotten to know us, and the way we feel and smell.  Now, our cheese making process still has to be patented, but Mister PeteySweety here has graciously offered to get Mister Michael Colby of FOOD AND WATER to help us on that.  And Mister PeteySweety says that Mister Michael Colby will change the name of his national not-for-profit farm advocacy organization to FOOD AND WATER AND LARRY, DARRYL & DARRYL.  And change the name of its blogsite accordingly.  And also change the name of his other blogsite, BROADSIDES and also the name of his other other blogsite, SNARKY BOY.  So, Darryl, Darryl and I decided to dedicate this cheese to him.  We’re re-naming it Aged In The Woods  EXTRA SNARKY SHARP.  It’s been out there under the trees for a while and I’ll tell you, kiddies, this is the cheese folks are going to talk about.  Because not only will it make your home smell like Vermont, but Darryl says it gives your breath special aphrodisiastical powers. Darryl said he tried it in Downtown Barre last Saturday and all the women there fell all over him as he walked by.

Now, this other one we want to show you is…Darryl!  Quit feeding the cheese to your pet fisher!  Hold it up!  Thank you.

This is our Special & Aged CURED ROADKILL AND NATIVE VERMONT CANNABIS MILD & MELLOW VERMONT CHEDDAR.  We expect this one to be a big hit with the yuppies and twenty-something crowd and the candidates running for office this year.  And we’re going to send some to President Obama and Michelle cause we think they need to eat more and stop worrying about becoming obese cause my other brother Darryl said he heard that Mitt Romney and his Party and all his rich friends like black people who are somewhat fat cause they can’t run so fast.

So, kiddies, tell your mommies and daddies and all your friends and teachers and the guys who drive the Casella’s trucks to look for LARRY, DARRYL & DARRYL AGED & AROMATIC NATIVE VERMONT CHEESES, coming soon to independent corner stores all across America, and to that other place, Washington D.C., too.  Thank you, Mister PeteySweety for having us here today.  And Darryl and Darryl each have a big burlap bag for you.  One has our new FIDDLEHEAD CHEESE and the other one a big bundle of that other special stuff we grow in the woods that you like so much.  We’re hoping, Mister PeteySweety, if you can get rid of that Mister Bill Sorrell and get somebody who will help make a special Vermont law, we can attach some of this other special stuff to our cheeses.  Cause it really gives you the super munchies.  Bye, kiddies.  And my brother Darryl says bye, and my other brother Darryl says bye too.”

All right!  Wasn’t that special, kiddies?  Can you say LARRY, DARRYL & DARRYL AND MISTER MICHAEL COLBY ARE RIGHTEOUS FUCKING DUDES?  I knew you could.  Now, it’s Letter Time.  I want you to get out the colored construction paper, but NOT the colored crayons.  This letter has to be written in BLOOD.  You’ve got a pet at home, right?  Mister PeteySweety will wait while you kill it.  And for you kiddies who don’t have a pet, you can use red crayon, or go get mommy’s red yuppie lipstick.  But add a few drops of your own blood just to make it special.  Use that very sharp kitchen knife.  Yes.  I knew you could do it.  That didn’t hurt, did it?  Oops…if you cut too deep, kiddies, use daddy’s Red Sox t-shirt for a compress.  That’s good.  You’re so smart.  And so so good.  Mister PeteySweety loves you so much.  Are we having fun?  Are we all ready to write?  Good.  Write this:

Yes, kiddies.  Mister PeteySweety’s really ripped.  Can you say  SHOTGUN IT, MISTER PETEYSWEETY?  I knew you could.



Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.