(A little fantasy, on the heels of GMCR’s unsubtle arm-twisting.)
A Milton woman held a news conference at the Statehouse today, to promote her bid for state tax relief.
23-year-old Sally Johnson, a swing-shift clerk at Maplefields and part-time student at the Community College of Vermont, says if the Legislature fails to lower her tax burden, she will have to consider moving out of state. “I’d really like to stay here, and fully intend to make job-creating investments in heating oil and prescription drugs,” she said, balancing her toddler son on her hip, “but I need a little help to make it economically viable.”
The Shumlin Administration was quick to respond. “We simply cannot afford to lose Ms. Johnson,” said gubernatorial amanuensis Jeb Spaulding. “Because she immediately spends every dime she makes on the necessities of life, she has a direct economic impact that reaches far beyond her relatively meager lifestyle.”
House Speaker Shap Smith and Senate President John Campbell promised swift legislative action on the issue.
(Yep, just a fantasy.)
Ms. Johnson’s director of environmental permitting also added some details to the press on other items she wishes the State to consider. Foremost is her wastewater permit.
Ms. Johnson’s office claims thatiIt is currently far too costly to continue to pay the water and sewer fees that she incurs for doing her own diapers at home. She is asking for a waiver to use the Lamoille River for her nappy cleaning. Her director of environmental permitting noted that VY, IBM, and most other large businesses in the state are able to release toxic chemicals, raise water temperature, and generally pollute without repercussions. She claims that formula fed babies produce less tritium than VY will produce, and she only feeds her little one local organic veggies from her CSA. Her staff scientist in charge of children and discharge stated that ‘background’ fecal matter is always present from sources upstream and is typically far higher than a toddler can produce, and is certainly not a direct threat to human health.
You should email this to Shumlin’s office and various other candidates. Also, I would send it to Seven Days, The Bridge, and the Workers Center. Excellent spoof. I’m jealous.
Sally Bumper Stickers.