Sometimes I am struck by the persistent oddity of our local news.
This week in St. Albans, a bank robber who escaped on bicycle is being sought by authorities; and apparently, Burlington police are so untroubled by real emergencies that they are hunting the “raccoon lady.”
The story has even captured the imagination of national news outlets like Huffington Post which seldom considers Vermont beyond Bernie Sanders.
For those of you who missed the bulletin two weeks ago, a woman marched up to the doors of Burlington’s City Hall and angrily whacked them with a dead raccoon. The mysterious blonde perpetrator now appears to be the subject of a man-hunt, complete with blurry front page photo in the Free Press!
What I want to know is why?
Is she sought in the murder investigation of said raccoon? Given her brazen approach to the seat of power, it seems unlikely that she done the deed herself.
Are the police looking for her because she defaced public property? That would represent truly screwy priorities.
All that remains as a reasonable possibility is that they are looking for her to make sure she is alright; that her issue, whatever it was, gets addressed; and that, if there are underlying health issues in her assault on City Hall, she gets the care she badly needs.
This is what I’d like to believe is going on here, but we aren’t exactly distinguishing ourselves these days as a poster-state for mental healthcare.
I can’t help thinking that a highly public police pursuit is hardly what the doctor would have ordered for this enigmatic lady.
…or how about the kid at Landmark College who made a “bomb” in his dorm room and set it off as a prank because he was bothered by another kid in the dorm. Essentially he blew up a plastic soda bottle with household chemicals (think Mentos and Coke). The police did a massive “investigation” and arrested him on a felony. He could face up to 10 years in jail and a $5,000 fine. Plus, he’s been kicked out of school.
Seriously, he blew up a soda bottle.
http://www.reformer.com/localn…
Woman determined to slam dead raccoon into municipal building.
Who could have predicted this potential weak spot in our homeland security?
Is this a random “raccooning”, or part of an organized effort?
Might we be vulnerable to other road kill?
Could we be opossumed,squirreled?
Attacked with larger ungulates?
Yes, we even have to consider the until now unthinkable… we might be moose-ed?
This item made it onto the NPR news today. Couldn’t believe my ears! Having not yet read today’s paper, my first thought was to question why they were running a two-week-old “news” item.
But there it was on the front page. Way more important than the mayoral race and any possible conflict of interest by the local weekly. Samall acale Sylvio Berlusconi anyone?
Right, priorities …
NanuqFC
It’s not news, because there’s never anything new reported. We will call it olds. ~ Paraphrase, source unknown (Sonia Johnson? Mary Daly?)
This woman will be found. The ANG is readying Predator drones as we speak, special units of VSP are being trained to do house-to-house searches in the middle of the night, and facilities are being prepared in a rogue state (most likely New Hampshire) for detaining suspected co-conspirators. “Extraordinary rendition” is being discussed at the highest levels, or not, as the case may be.
Heck – they’ve got this thing covered folks – Navy SEALS are right now mining Lake Champlain with explosives to prevent a water rescue. If this search lasts until the Spring – and there is no reason to believe it won’t – there will be special units patrolling beaver dams and the nearby roads so that beaver carcasses can never ever be used in this horrible manner again.
It may take years – decades even – to bring the perpetrator to justice.
But it will be swift justice indeed when she is found. No pictures though.
Well, assault with a dead(ly) animal was an old Japanese plan for Dec. 7, 1941. The third wave (which was canceled) was going to drop dead skunks all over our ships and planes at Pearl Harbor. Not many people know this. Most of them are dead, or have been imprisoned in solitary for decades. Yes. That lady must be a descendant of someone who leaked the info on this heinous plan. A plan still classified and stored in the bottom drawer of the night custodian at The Smithsonian. No wonder they are looking for her.
Yes, Burlington’s Most Wanted Racoon Carcass Abuser has been apprehended! From the Freeps:
However, a cover-up is clearly going on, as the article claims “Police believe Gluck acted alone”. Right! And they expect us to believe in climate change too!
I feel safer already.