If you've ever had teenagers you know that it can be challenging to make sure they maintain their abstinence pledge. After all, look at Bristol Palin.
Now, a group of pro-abstinence mothers (how did they get to be mothers? I have no idea) have come up with a new line of sexy underwear to promote chastity in their little girls. Because, after all, what's a better time for your nubile young daughter to start an abstinence conversation then when she and her boyfriend are down to their underwear?
We created a line of underwear to use as conversation starters to help reinforce family morals as they relate to relationships and dating.
So if you have decided that the Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue has gotten too sexy for you, WWYMD might be just the thing for you.
It’s striking that the premise for this whole thing is that, “Teenagers are going to want to date […] That means nothing short of orchestrated torture for parents.” (my emphasis).
Why should it be torture? I’ve got an almost-teenager who is just beginning the whole dating game, and I find it charming and endearing and entirely reaffirming to see him stagger daily between the macho wanna-be manly swagger of “hey, look at me, I’m dating, yo” and the little overgrown boy who’s not sure what to do with his hands while he tries to find the courage to talk to the girl of his dreams.
That it should be torture for you to watch (psst, mom: you don’t actually have to watch if you can’t stand it — maybe those voyeuristic tendencies of yours that have you hovering whenever the two of them are together are part of the problem) surely says more about your own hangups than about your daughter’s possible promiscuity? And if it’s really about your refusal to face the facts of life, then, instead of putting a pair of lame briefs on her in a desperate attempt to put her libido under wraps, why not stick a bag over your own head and decorate with whatever slogans you see fit?
Says one testimonial on the site: “I want my girls to keep me in mind when they go off to college.” Precisely: you’d like to insinuate yourself into their life forever more, police her nether regions and perpetuate the fears and repressed feelings that have haunted you into that lonely, dark corner where only Jesus cares to keep you company. When she goes off to college, finally free of you death grip, the last thing she’s going to want are your finger-wagging, patronizing (matronizing?) briefs — I’m guessing she’ll be tossing them out before the first load of laundry is in the wash.
…right now, somewhere in the San Fernando Valley, somebody’s shooting a porn flick with “barely legal” girls dressed in this stuff.
. . . with their own not-so-subtle “come watch.me.while.I.set.the.table.the.heels messaging, I have to wonder why Mom didn’t think to stitch “Dream On” across the back of the underwear, rather than the front.
.
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Could not help but notice Mom’s link for discounted “SECONDS,” which I typically think of as gaments with a crooked stitch or Ben & Jerry’s pints with too much cookie dough etc. . .
The “Seconds” link at WWMD, however, seems to run counter to the overall purpose:
“I’m coming out with a new line of ‘Christian underwear’ for teenage ladies that depict the Crucifixion and also come with a complete set of magic markers. The idea is, that once the teenage lady and her boyfriend are stripped down to their underwear they will see the suffering of Jesus and, instead of having sex, will use the magic markers to write profound moral and theological observations all over the young ladies underwear, which they can later go online with on my new Chat Room Of The Holy Magic Marker. Teenagers all over America will get into this, rather than into each others underwear. In the months to come, you will hopefully see thousands upon thousands of American teens with multi-colored magic marker stains all over their hands. Since my magic markers are also somewhat toxic, I have included a consumer warning to teens to not use their marked up hands on each other in inappropriate ways. I remember, back in the days when I used to strip for a living, when I let guys write all over me with magic markers. I developed a skin condition similar to what plagued Job. But then I found the Lord and my afflictions were healed, and I’m a really healthy looking Christian babe now. I know. I get letters from a guy who calls himself PeteySweety. Petey, if you’re reading this, I want you to know that Jesus forgives you. And I think maybe we should meet sometime somewhere so I can give you some personal hands-on Christian instruction. After I wash my hands of course.
I love you all, and God loves you too. Remember, God is that Big Magic Marker in the sky.
Yours in Christ and teenage purity,”
Pastor Melissa Scott
those underwear read more like an invitation, than a stop sign…
was a pro abstinence mother too…