Presidential order downgrades Vermont

upperalabamaFacing prospects of a Senate filibuster for his Supreme Court nominee, President Trump made unprecedented use of the power of his office by signing an executive order which eliminates two influential opposition votes .

With a wave of the presidential pen, Trump has eliminated Vermont statehood, redubbing the former Green Mountain State as “Upper Alabama” and placing it under the authority of Alabama Governor (and Trump supporter) Robert Bentley.

The move has the immediate effect of retiring Senators Patrick Leahy and Bernie Sanders, as every state is only allowed two Senators under the Constitution, improving the Senate math for the Trump administration on a whole host of issues. In addition, allowing Vermont’s general liberal population of 600,000 to be absorbed into conservative Alabama’s 1.8 million should have the desired effect of watering those Vermonters down as a political force on the state level, and in terms of the Electoral College.

Immediately following the signing ceremony, federal officials got right to work disseminating flags with 49 stars instead of 50, and repurposing the now-former Vermont Senators’ offices and seats on the Senate floor as retail sales space for Ivanka Trump’s clothing line.

Based on the immediate success of the executive order, administration officials are reportedly looking into applying the same strategy in regards to Massachusetts (with an eye toward its reconfiguring as “Texas North”), as well as declaring California a US Marshall Island.

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