Attorney General Deploys Sandmen to Keep Sanctuary Cities and States Unattainable

Sessions with a member of the new Sandman force.

On Saturday, Vermont supplemented recent directives limiting state and local cooperation with federal immigration authorities with a formal statement declaring itself a “Sanctuary state.” The action provoked swift action from US Attorney General Jeff Sessions. In the face of reports that the federal government may not legally be able to follow through on threats to funding from sanctuary cities and states, the Department of Justice immediately implemented a new strategy in response.

“We will be deploying a force of Sandmen, who will be empowered to use any force to prevent any and all ‘illegal’ runners from reaching this, or any Sanctuary.”

New ICE administrator Box

Sessions added that the new independent Sandman force would be supported by new head of Immigration and Customs Enforcement, Box the robot. The Attorney General noted Box’s solid record of utilizing ICE to prevent runners from reaching Sanctuary, even if they do manage to evade capture by Sandmen, or other immigration authorities.

In an unrelated story, satirists suggested that gags based on 70’s science fiction properties that had long since faded from collective memory would likely fail to resonate with readers, generally.

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