Breaking News (for Sue & wdh3)


(Dedicated to my beloved Jewish Princess, Maggie Lenz McQuilken)

Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders drew more flack today, this time from voters in Walden, as he tried to amend statements he made a few weeks ago to voters in Cabot about Hamas and Israel.  He also drew a STEEL HANKIE from PolitenessMan.

“What I meant to say was,” Sanders started to explain, “was that possibly a solution to that volatile situation over there might be to vaccinate the Palestinians with some kosher nice serum.  I’m sure Wall Street and Big Pharma have something like that already approved by the FDA.  Of course, the vaccinations would be mandatory, to protect…”

“Fascist!” someone from the crowd yelled.  Others began to heckle Sanders, calling him a hypocrite on war and justice.  And the person who yelled ‘Fascist’ then yelled:  “You LIB-ER-Al FUCK!”

“Is that you, Colby?”  Sanders interjected.  “I want that person removed!”  Sanders screamed to the 14 State Police officers doing security.

Then, all of a sudden, ‘THUNK!’–a STEEL HANKIE slammed Sanders in the skull.  Attached to it was a note that a gray-bearded man picked up and read out loud to the crowd:

“Senator Sanders,” the note read, “I think your positions on some issues need clarifications and much more tidiness.  It is impolite and impolitic to expect voters to accept a shallow posture of credence.  Especially when you claim to be their savior and their servant.  Good servants, knowing their place, do not commit breaches of good decorum.  You must be civil and truthful to the voters.  All candidates must comport themselves so.  It shall be my mission in 2016 to see to it that all candidates maintain the good manners of courtesy, deference, and sophistication when addressing the voters, so that all of us, candidates and voters, can achieve the state of political aplomb necessary to deal with the Global Rudeness that threatens to destroy our planet.  I have sent this STEEL HANKIE all the way from Texas where I am dealing with a very untoward situation involving Governor Abbott here.  He is contributing to the acceleration of Global Rudeness.  President Obama felt I was the only way to deal with Governor Abbott.  After he got done laughing.

“My regards, Senator, and adieu to you.  And also to Mr. Michael Colby, as I assume he is there, what with all the offensive language being bandied about.  Thank you.”

“Sonofa…” Sanders began, “…I mean…well…if it’s coming from PolitenessMan, then I guess I owe you all a huge apology.  Officers, you can unhand that man.  It was rude of me to have him taken into custody.  And I promise all of you folks that the next time someone calls me a LIB-ER-Al FUCK, I will answer by saying: ‘Thank you.  I am grateful that you called that to my attention.  And I will do my best to ameliorate that.  May I buy you the beer of your choice at the Three Penny Taproom in Montpelier after this forum and hear more of your eclectic views?’  And THANK YOU, PolitenessMan.  Already I am inspired to use a higher level of speechifying.  Good luck in Texas.”

Thus, once again did PolitenessMan correct a situation before it deteriorated into another vile and vulgar display of Global Rudeness, the number one threat to life on this planet.


Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

(PolitenessMan should take over the Protest Movement.)

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