Sorrell To Launch 5 Month Investigation Of Yard Sales

Yes, not content with wasting time and money on Dean Corren’s campaign contributions mis-step, our crusading crime fighting AG is now looking into ‘money laundering’ and campaign signs at  Vermont Yard Sales across the state.

Sorrell feels that, during election years, people with campaign signs up on their lawns while holding a Yard Sale may be secretly taking campaign contributions for their candidates amounting to tens of thousands of dollars, by doubling the prices of books, plates, lamps, litter boxes and other junk.

“A book or a litter box at a Yard Sale shouldn’t cost 50 cents,” said Sorrell.  “25 cents for a book or a litter box.  Where’s the other 25 cents going?  Well, I’m going to find out, no matter how much money and resources this office has to expend.”

When asked how he could justify this investigation on the heels of his ridiculous investigation of Dean Corren’s alleged campaign contributions mis-steps, what with the state bankrupt and Governor Shumlin and the legislature ripping off the poor and the working class, Sorrell replied:  

“This is crime, I’m talking about.  If I let this go, people will be holding Yard Sales to donate to the VSEA, and I think there’s a rule against that, though don’t ask me to cite it, because I have a staff for those questions.  And what about all the sugary sweet drinks I see people at Yard Sales sipping?  That encourages heroin use.  So you see, this investigation of Yard Sales may also lead us to the heart of the drug syndicate in Vermont.  No more questions.  I’ve got to get back to work.”

Yes.  And God knows what that work will reap next.  By the way, Bill, –2015 is not an election year.


Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

(How’s come none of you Little Dems covered this last week?)

2 thoughts on “Sorrell To Launch 5 Month Investigation Of Yard Sales

  1. Sorrell’s next Dragnet: Indictment of those kool-ade sellers at said and supposed Yard Sales (rumored to actually be kickbacks and political money-laundering operations) found not collecting and/or provided official proof of the mandated & required bookeeping for his crowning legal achievement and pet crusade outlawing all ‘sugary drinks’.

    The Sugary Drink Tax Act includes proof upon demand of any AG office tax-payer funded duly deputized Sugary Drink Act Revenue Enforcement (SDARE) agents checking for enforcement of the mandated Sugary-Drink Act tax receipts & records in triplicate of any roadside, neighborhood and yes those, er, “Yard Sales”, heh, as well as all local fundraising events which include kool-ade stands.

    Disclaimer: Information sponsored by the Your Tax Dollars At Work foundation, devoted to assuring even ‘the least of these’ have ‘skin in the game’.  

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