This reporter has just learned through his ‘reliable source’ in the Statehouse Men’s Room that Governor Shumlin will soon announce he has found the money necessary to cover a budget shortfall.
“Yeah, Peter,” my source said to me, “he’s gonna do away with the entire Vermont State Police, since they haven’t done shit about the heroin pipeline through Vermont over the years. But, get this, Peter…”
“Shumlin made some contacts with these heroin cartels through Bill Sorrell. Apparently they’re ready to cut the state in on some of the profits. I think I heard him say 20%. That’s a shitload of cash. So, those VSEA people can quit bitchin’.”
“What about Sorrell?” I asked. “He’s totally worthless too. Why not eliminate his job?”
“Peter, geez, ya dumb shit…who’s gonna be the go-between with the heroin boys? Apparently, from what I heard, they like Sorrell. And getting rid of the State Cops, well…that will keep things smooth. And if things get out of hand, why, the Gov can blame the VSEA for the whole situation, like he blamed the VSEA for IRENE. Shummy’s one smart fucker. That’s why he’s rich.”
“I don’t know, DeepShit,” (his code name cause we talk stall to stall) “Seems like we’ll be open for some serious crime.”
“Crime? Hell, what’s the difference between heroin money and taxing poor people on their sodas? And what about all the rich Vermonters that don’t pay their fair share? I heard Shummy was also going to appoint Peter Sterling to head up a group to find out how to tax heroin users on their habit. And with more heroin users in Vermont, that’s more money for the state. I tell ya, Peter, the guy’s gonna be President someday.”
“Fucking A! He can run in ’16, and tell those whining middle class Dems who want to dump him to go fuck themselves. And then tax ’em.”
“Well, thanks, DeepShit. I gotta go get this on the wire.” (‘Flush’)
“Any time, Peter. That’s what I’m here for.” (‘Flush’)
So, VSEA. Quit worrying. Hell, heroin might mean more jobs too. If it can be made sustainable.