(Yes, folks, as with mandatory vaccinations, I’m becoming suspect of Global Warming. Scientists are funded by Corporations and Foundations supported by Corporations. Disaster Economics means it is in the interest of Corporations and the Rich to create a ‘scare’ (distraction), which will also be a money maker while they continue to plunder in the old fashioned time-honored way, and I’m afraid many Environmental Groups and Environmentalists have fallen for a ‘marketing plan’. I think we should be more worried about NUCLEAR WINTER. Well, here’s something ‘fun’ on the subject.)
SOME VERMONT YUPPIE ANGSTS ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING
Health & Safety–Will Global Warming release new viruses and make more killer insects and make my Health Club fees go up? Will there be a vaccine for Global Warming? Will Global Warming make me have to stop using my cell phone while driving my SUV?
Property–Will Global Warming make all my plants die and make it impossible for me to tell where to buy a beachfront second home?
War & Peace–Will there be Weather Wars? Will Global warming ruin my vacation plans to visit Guetemala, Greece, Sri Lanka and other countries because they all hate Americans for Global Warming and want to kill me personally?
Crime–Will Global Warming cause blacks and other certain ethnic diversities to drive by my home with automatic assault rifles? Can they be vaccinated? (See Property)
Food–Will Global Warming make crops die and I will, therefore, have to eat Genetically Engineered Kale?
Activism–Will Brian Tokar, Peter Sterling, Joe Gainza, Thom Hartman, and Bernie Sanders be enough to stop people from New Jersey (where I’m from) moving up here to Vermont because it’s 10% cooler…in Winter?
Second-Hand Smoke–Will Global Warming create a layer of cigarette smoke in the atmosphere that will cause people to become addicted to cigarettes, and then to Heroin? And then to sugary-sweet drinks? (See Health & Safety)
My Children–Will my kids call me a Yuppie Scumbag Pig for letting Global Warming happen, and then beat me senseless and take off with all my cash and credit cards and my SUV? (See Property again)
Sex–Will Global Warming make it too hot for sex? Even for Bill Cosby? Will there be a vaccine you can take for orgasms? Or a non-sugary-sweet drink?
Social Media–Will Global Warming cause my computer to freeze or glitch while I’m trying to post a You Tube video on Green Mountain Daily that shows Jennifer Aniston flashing her snatch in her short short mini-gown at the fundraiser for the Ebola Victims Verses Aids Victims Cross Country Marathon And Spitathon? (See Sex)
Paid Holidays, Paid Sick Days, and Mileage–Will I be able to take Global Warming Days off, and call in sick if the temperature is above 126%? Will I have to not drive my SUV on certain designated work days, and, if so, how will I get my mileage for those days?
How To Tell It’s Global Warming–If Global Warming happens next week, will there still be air conditioning at the Co-op? Will Thom Hartman, Brian Tokar, and Joe Gainza go on the radio to announce marches and rallies against Global Warming? And will Bernie Sanders say he’s not running in 2016 because by then we’ll all be dead? (See Food, War & Peace, Health & Safety, Crime, and Sex)
Security and Sustainability–Will the police protect me from Global Warming? Can’t they just shoot it? And where do I buy Global Warming-Free wine? (See Crime and Property again)
Fashion–Will Global Warming make me have to Yard Sale my entire wardrobe and buy the latest Global Warming outfits every 3 or 4 days? Will I be able to do this online with my air conditioner on MAX? (Property)
Single Payer Health Care Coverage–Will Global Warming cause Gov. Shumlin to say there’ll never be any money for Single Payer unless Peter Sterling can find millions of poor people in Developing Countries to tax after we invade them? (See Health & Safety and Crime)
What Can I Do And We Do To Stop Global Warming?–Will Vigils stop Global Warming? Petitions? Meetings? Workshops? Cocktails at Three Penny Taproom? Secret visits in disguise to Charlie Os World Famous to see how many there are cigarette smokers? A third non-profit group run by Peter Sterling? A fourth? Will a HUG stop Global Warming? And bumper stickers on my SUV? (See War & Peace, Second-Hand Smoke, Activism, Crime, and Property again)
Thank you for hearing my concerns. Will petting a Mental Health Assistance and Companion Pet stop Global Warming?
(Coming next: Montpelier’s New THEME PARK–YuppieWorld!)