A little satire might go well with leftovers. It’s all about the turkey after all.
Grandmother Attempts Citizen Arrest of Ted Cruz for Being an Arrogant Prick
WASHINGTON — Tiny 83-year-old Ida Stanley was taken into police custody early today after she attempted to handcuff and haul away Senator Ted Cruz for “crimes against sanity.” “Rafael Edward Cruz, I hereby arrest you for being an egotistical asshole,” Mrs. Stanley shouted in front of media cameras as she approached the Junior Senator from Texas outside one of his D.C. homes.
[…] “You have the right to remain silent…and wouldn’t that would be a nice change,” Mrs. Stanley continued as Cruz’ security officers forced the grandmother of four to the ground and “disarmed” her of the toy, plastic Batman handcuffs she had in her hand. “You have the right to not flap your gums…to cease and desist with cheesy grins,”
Mrs. Stanley kept shouting despite being restrained with her arms pinned behind her back. “To stop talking down to Americans when you’re really not that smart.”
Immediately after Mrs. Stanley was “neutralized” by at times up to 6 plainclothes security agents, Capitol Police placed her in the back seat of a cruiser where she smiled and made the V peace sign through the wire-meshed window.