BREAKING: Arrest Warrant for Pat Boone

Here's tonight's news from Comcast:


Pat Boone is a wanted man.

The legendary “Ain’t That a Shame” crooner, who scored five number one hits in the 1950s, has an arrest warrant with his name on it after missing a scheduled court appearance in connection with a recent lawsuit.


Needless to say, I have no objection to anyone wanting to throw Pat Boone in jail. It's just ironic–not to mention almost sixty years overdue– that the warrant isn't for this:


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