Why I ‘Lub’ Hillary

(Well, the weather sure ain’t funny, so I thought I’d post this in defiance of it.  Humor.  Just right as we move towards April Fool’s Day, when it will no doubt snow again.  

Hillary, ala Harry Dean Stanton in Repo Man, giving Putin another blast.  I love Hillary.)


Hillary Clinton let loose another salvo at Vladimir Putin today, and this time her language was even stronger.

“Look.  He’s a dildo dipshit asshole.  I mean, he ought to be put in the trunk of a ’64 Chevy Malibu and driven around LA and then dumped in the worst section where the bums, winos, and gangs hang out,”  Clinton said.  “Is he an old time Communist, or just an Ordinary Fucking Asshole?  Either way, I hate him.  I don’t want no Communists in my face.  No Assholes either.”

Clinton became more heated as she went on, saying:  “There’s these two guys I know in LA.  The Fucking Rodriquez Brothers.  They told me they could take care of Putin for us.  I’m inclined to recommend them to President Obama.  I’m not going to stand here and watch that little bald pecker repo the Ukraine.  And, if I become President in 2017, I’ll call in every debt that fuck-face owes us.  I’ve got the paper on that dipshit.  He’s got billions stashed away, but he never pays his bills.  While my credit, our credit, is spotless.  If we sent The Fucking Rodriquez Brothers over to Moscow with 20 thousand dollars to buy him off, you think the crazy little fuck wouldn’t take the deal?  Hell, he’d hand over the Ukraine and the keys to his own mother’s car.  I can’t believe we’re putting up with this shit.  Shit, I say.  Shit.”

When asked about her vehement language, Clinton replied:  “Look.  I’m going to run for President.  I’m running now.  This is intense.  But my life is always intense.  And I’ve got this code–I will never, through action or inaction, allow some dildo dipshit asshole to fuck with the international balance of good conduct that allows nations to form alliances based on those nations’ desires to move into Democracy at 120 per, nor will I do anything that will undermine the integrity and value of any nation so inclined to put its foot on the peddle of the aforesaid Democratic engine that drives the World on its highway to destiny.  That’s my code.  I call it The Hillary Code.  Everybody should have a code.  But some dildo dipshits do not.  Any more fucking questions?  Shit.”

After a moment of stunned silence, a young male reporter from Haight-Ashbury FOX asked Clinton about her chances in 2016, considering new and to-be-continued Republican allegations that she “enabled” her husband Bill when he was President to dally with Monica Lewinsky and other female White House aides.

Clinton’s answer was firm, almost Presidential:  “Blow me,” she said.

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt

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