WWII –On Facebook

“Oh, please, those dead Marines at Tarawa look sooo gross.  I’m not sharing that.”

“CatLady:  This is my dog, Blondi, with me at Berchtesgaden last year.  Isn’t she cute?  We’re standing in my NO SMOKING ZONE.”

“Boy, we wiped out most of Cologne today, except for that big bastard of a Cathedral.  Here’s pics.  We’ll get that big bastard next raid.”

“You sonsabitches who want gun control are worse than those two wimpy gun-shy faggot asswipes I had to smack around on Sicily.  I wrote you dirty bastards a poem about it:

“First they’ll take away your guns

Then they’ll take away your War

A General can’t have any fun

You goddamn bastard sonsabitchin’ anti-gun whores!”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to post pics of Paris this year.  I heard Winnie told Ike to go fuck himself about Normandy.  Damn!  War is Hell.”

“BANZAI!!!  Eleanor Eat Shit!  Here is pic of me beheading Australian Barbarian Pig on New Guinea last year.  You likey?  Send us more Malines!”

“Well, that was one Hell of a workday here.  Goddamn Teller giving me more shit about the Super.  What do you folks think?  Should we go right to the H-Bomb?  It’ll take longer.  War will have to last til ’47, maybe ’48.  Let me know.  I’m under stress here.”

“Please.  These pics are REAL!  The first one is the GAS CHAMBER.  The second one is the CREMATORIA.  I sent them to the London Times and the New York Times and they said they don’t do ‘whistle-blowing’ stories.

WTF?!  Please help us!”

“Hit LIKE if you think this war is costing too much capital.  What’s so bad about Hitler?  Guy’s fighting the Communists, and he has a dog, just like Roosevelt.  Maybe our Communist President is our Real Enemy?  Maybe FDR was born in Ruussia?  I’d like to see his birth certificate.”

“Hit LIKE if you think we should BRING THE TROOPS HOME NOW!  We’re holding a March and a Vigil in D.C. this Sunday.  And please click here to sign our petition about the BOMB.”

“We’ve just been torpedoed!  Abandoning ship.  Whole cargo of condoms.  And we were flying a Condom Flag!  Goddamn evil Nazis!  This is a War Crime!”

“I changed my profile pic, but please don’t share it.  The nude lady with me on the beach at Malta wearing my Eisenhower jacket is my driver Kay.  She took off her uniform to show Winnie how bad things would get in France if we didn’t do Overlord.  Glad Monty wasn’t around.”  

“Heh-heh.  Good one, Ike.  Speaking of Monty, I’m teaching Eleanor to make Montgomery martinis.  Fifteen to one, right?”

“Mr. President, on behalf of myself, the British Eighth Army, and the entire people of the British Commonwealth, I’d like to correct you.  It’s only thirteen to one.  I myself will stick with tea.”

“It’s crazy up here in the mountains.  Krauts have all the high ground.  Look at the pics.  But Clark says we’ll be in Rome soon.  That we just landed at Anzio.  Good!  Rome.  Any day now.  Yeah!”

“I think our service persons are picking up a lot of politically incorrect language overseas.  Did you see that ‘word’ in the last post?  KRAUTS?  No More K-Word!”

“Did you see that stuff from Burma?  I mean, like REALLY GROSS!!  Somebody ought to monitor this site!”

“Don’t worry, Junebug.  We are monitoring.  Meanwhile, keep posting and sharing.  And Sieg Hei…I mean, Hi.”

“Man.  That hemp farm they got me workin’ my time off at…Whoa…Those guys over there are gonna be gettin’ some primo rope…Whoa…”

“We the Peoples of the Soviet Union are still waiting for the Second Front!  Where are American energies and priorities going?!”

“Who was that asshole?”

“Don’t know.”

“Well, I just de-friended him.”

“Good for you, Junebug.  Me too.  Here.  Look at these pics of my Victory Garden.”

“WOW!  Big tomatoes!  Hey, you’re not using those genetically engineered seeds the government’s been trying to pass out, are you?”

“Hell no.  All natural and organic, Junebug.  I know all about that GE shit.”

“Yeah, it’s really bad.  In fact, I think GE is worse than this whole war, worse than Hitler and Tojo, worse than that H-Bomb Oppie was talking about, worse than that gross Gas Chamber stuff.  Even the Japanese didn’t do GE in China.  They just let the Chinese starve to death, rather than be responsible for a worldwide GE apocalypse.  And good thing too.  But like, hey, your tomatoes are really AWESOME!”

“Thanks, Junebug.  We’ve all got to do our part for the effort.  See ya.”

“People of Facebook.  I Have Returned!  By the Grace of Almighty God I can post once again on this site.  I have been so busy routing the Japanese and running the War in the Pacific.  And all on my own.  For I have had to deal with many incompetent officers, including Generals, and an entire incompetent Australian Army and Australian Government.  And our own Incompetent Government.  And now, the U.S. Navy is busting my stars.  King and Nimitz are plotting a conspiracy to bypass the Philippines.  You must not, We must not, I must not let small minds stand in the way of DESTINY!  Our destiny, your destiny, MY DESTINY!  Share this with everyone, and all of you post to Marshall and FDR that there should be one, and ONLY ONE! Supreme Allied Commander in the Pacific.  And I will humbly, with God as my personal assistant, take on that burden.  A humble Old Soldier humbly thanks you.  And, hey, AWESOME tomatoes!”

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.

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