Since when did Burlington become Vatican West?

First, let’s stipulate that the resignation of Pope Benedict was the biggest news story of the day yesterday. (It even swamped the Ellen/Katy encounter at the Grammys.) And of course, any responsible news organ would give it some coverage.

But the Freeploid went absolutely batshit. The front cover of today’s ‘Loid is dominated by a huge profile photo of Ratzy, wreathed in smoke (as if he was singing “It Was a Very Good Year” at Karaoke Night) with the giant headline ‘A SHEPHERD STEPS AWAY.” Plus three full pages of coverage inside.

Seems a bit over-the-top, since (a) the Freeploid generally focuses like Gov. Shumin’s laser on local and state news, and (b) isn’t Burlington kind of a liberal hotbed? The kind of place that’d have Pope Benedict crossing himself every ten seconds and bathing in Purell at the end of the day?

This is the second time in less than a week that the Freeploid has morphed into The Burlington Catholic Reporter. The first time was last Thursday, when its front page was given over to Bishop Salvatore Matano’s opposition to the death with dignity bill. Giant (and uninteresting) photo of the Bish testifying in the Senate, headline BISHOP IMPLORES STATE painting Matano as the last guardian of morality, begging Vermont to foreswear the path of darkness.

Hey, a lot of other folks testified too, y’know. But the Bishop  — the guy who has consistently been more concerned with the finances of his diocese than the well-being of pedophilia victims — gets the big splash, as if he has some unique and monumental status in Vermont.

So, Freeploid, what’s with all the Cathoholism?

17 thoughts on “Since when did Burlington become Vatican West?

  1. It is a big story; the first Pope to resign in several hundred years.  In addition, there are many Catholics in this state. The Bishop got coverage regarding the death with dignity bill since Catholics are forming a large part of the opposition to this bill.    

  2. was an old-timey Unitarian – before all the woo-woo.  He’s probably rolling over in his grave with all the fawning over Popery, given the Trinity and Mary that the Papists are in to.  

    However, the powers to be at the BFP, conservative rag that it is, probably think any kind of Jesus is better than none, so they’re putting heavy ink to it to try and save all y’all gawdless bastards’ souls.

  3. The other day I stumbled across an interesting article in the Gazetteer & Business Directory of Chittenden County Vermont, 1882 – 1883, about Henry Baldwin Stacy. The article refers to Stacy’s boss, Luman Foote, who started the Burlington Free Press, “…in the interest of the National Republican Party and in support of the administration of John Quincy Adams.”  Nothing new under the banner!  A little off the mark of this post, but I couldn’t resist.  

  4. In a smoke filled room at the Vatican, the College of Cardinals meet to resolve some issues and plan for the future:

    Cardinal Barzini:  “All right.  We’re all here, the representatives of the 120 Major Families.  The smaller Families will go along with what we settle here today.  Cardinal Sollozzo has asked for a vote on his proposal.  Cardinal Corleone, you have something to say?”

    Cardinal Corleone:  “I know all the Families have some fears about where we’re headed now that Benedict is stepping down.  We have voted to move in a more liberal direction, and I think this is good.  Cardinal Moe has already made the connection with this Mister Trump in New York, and I think, if we make Trump an offer he can’t refuse, it will mean an end to the closing down of the Families’ Businesses we’ve had to suffer these last years.  When we take over the Trump Organization, I think we’ll have a way to get back to the business we did in the old days.  But this proposal of Cardinal Sollozzo, with all due respect, I cannot support.  If we get into this drug business, I see more and more trouble for us ahead.  And using the little Altar Boys as…what was that, Cardinal Sollozzo?”

    Cardinal Sollozzo:  “Runners, Cardinal Corleone.”

    Cardinal Corleone:  “Yes, runners.  Who help distribute the drugs.  I think that’s bad for business.  The people will turn against us.  Like they have when we use the little Altar Boys for sex.  This drug thing, I don’t like it.”

    Cardinal Tattaglia:  “But Cardinal Corleone, we used the little boys for sex, but it was just sex, it wasn’t business.  We made nothing on them.  But now, with Cardinal Sollozzo’s plan, we have sex and we do business.  You’re too old fashioned, Cardinal Corleone.  The drugs are where the real money is.  The people want the drugs.  They will come to us for the drugs.  In Confession, at Mass, at Bingo.  They will be loyal to us, and no one will talk because they will have the example we will set with this Father Brasi in Vermont.  And more people will come to us, rather than to the Russian Families, because they will know our drugs are blessed.  It’s business, Cardinal Corleone.  It’s just business.”

    Cardinal Corleone:  “Yes, but this business is a business that could take over all we do, all we love.  Is that a good business?  I don’t know.  I have my doubts.”

    Cardinal Sollozzo:  “We’ll still have the Trump Organization, Cardinal Corleone.  And with the drugs we will be able to take over the Halliburton and the Monsanto Organizations.  The smaller families will grow.  We’ll be able to have a thousand, maybe two thousand new Cardinals.  And they will be young ones.  Some of them our Little Altar Boys.  And the young, that is what will make us powerful.  That is the future.  Cardinal Barzini, I ask for a vote on my proposal.”

    Cardinal Barzini:  “Have you said all you have to say, Cardinal Corleone?”

    Cardinal Corleone:  “I will go along then.  But someday, Cardinal Sollozzo, I will ask you for a favor for my blessing.  A favor you will not refuse.”

    Cardinal Sollozzo:  “I will be at your disposal, Cardinal Corleone.  You do this thing for me, and I will be in your debt for eternity.”

    Cardinal Corleone:  “Ah, eternity.  Our one great goal.  Forever may all of us live to see it.  Even with the drugs.”

    Cardinal Tatttaglia:  “I understand eternity goes better with the drugs, Cardinal Corleone.”  (All the Cardinals chuckle)

    Cardinal Barzini:  “Then we don’t need a vote then, do we?  Cardinals Sollozzo and Cardinal Tattaglia will proceed.  And they will have all of us and all the Families and all our people at their disposal.  Cardinal Moe?  On the subject of what to do about Benedict next month?”

    Cardinal Moe:  “Yes, Cardinal Barzini.  It is all arranged.  He will have a nice peaceable vacation to this island in the Aegean.  We will tell everyone it is for his health.  Then in a week, two weeks at the most, he will suffer an accident while out on a boat.  A tragic accident.  He will never talk.  It is done.”

    Cardinal Corleone:  “Benedict will sleep with the fishes.  This is good.  This is good for business.”

    Cardinal Barzini:  “All right then.  Our business here is completed.  Cardinals, won’t you all join me now in prayer.  Let us bow our heads and give thanks to our Great Godfather in Heaven, and ask His Blessing and Guidance in all our future deeds.”

  5. Well, some conservative Catholics might say he was a good egg in the long run, while other, more liberal types would simply shrug and wonder who on earth likes long runny eggs.


    You can safely assume that you have created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.
~ Anne Lamott

  6. Seriously – we’re “average” which is 19-29%? That’s a huge swath of Vermonters.

    I’d say its big news, then. Am I looking at your link wrong?

  7. I say you must count us too.  Practicing Catholics in Vermont are only the tip of the iceberg.  There’s all us Xs.  We may be underground, but we’re here.  We have secret signs and handshakes (right hand for shaking, while left hand does a butt feel–and this is just us guy Catholics)  There are many X-Catholic women here too, Wes.  I see them on Halloween in Nun’s Outfits.  Hell, I have a Nun’s Outfit.  When the new black Pope, Gregory 10X, gives the call, we will all come out and take over–Forget the Second Vermont Republic; we will make Vermont part of the Vatican.  Ain’t you ever heard all those French Canadian Vermonters jokes?  There’s a bazillion of ’em.  All those sheep-fucking jokes?  That’s us Catholics and X-Catholics in Vermont.  Following the Laws of the Church.  So…watch your ass, as we Catholics say.

  8. In fact, I seem to recall Vermont falling into last place in a survey of religiosity in general.  

    Apparently, we are the least religious state in the nation.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *