Angry Jack is determined to get jiggy

So yesterday we learned that the Joseph Hazlewood of Vermont politics, Darcie “Hack” Johnston, gets her political insight from the ultraconservative Today, we receive some pearls of wisdom from Angry Jack Lindley, chair of the VTGOP, courtesy of Terri Hallenbeck at vt.Buzz:

Vermont Republican Party Chairman Jack Lindley, admitting he wasn’t the hippest guy, said the GOP plans to get more hip. He said they are looking for an intern who can help the party appeal to younger people. “We need to be relevant to young people in the state,” he said.

Oh yeah, that’ll do the trick. I’m just picturing Angry Jack in a leather jacket and aviator glasses, hanging around the UVM campus looking for a young person who can lead the entire party back to relevance. While you’re at it, Jack, you might check out that hippity-hop music. I hear the kids are really into it.

Any other insights, Jack?

He also said he’s consulted with former Gov. Jim Douglas about how to re-brand the party that seems to be having an identity crisis.

That seems like a painfully obvious move; am I supposed to believe that he hadn’t already consulted the most successful Vermont politician of the last decade? Not to mention that Jim Douglas isn’t exactly the avatar of the younger generation.

Also, again with the rebranding? “We don’t need to change our positions to attract more moderate voters; we just need a brighter shade of lipstick on that pig.” Sheesh.

And finally, a rather startling tidbit… after the jump.  

And he said the party will do a better job of recruiting legislative candidates in districts where they know they have a chance. “We were too careful with recruits,” he said. “We will not be using litmus tests to be finding candidates.”

He didn’t make it clear what kind of litmus test was used in the past.

Litmus tests? Litmus tests??? The VTGOP is in serious decline, it’s reduced to near-irrelevance in the Legislature, it had an acknowledged shortage of good candidates, and they were turning people down because they weren’t (presumably) conservative enough?

Who administered these tests, Jack? El Jefe General John McClaughry? The Hack? Robbity Roper? The St. Albans Mafia? Maybe Paul LePage conducted a few inquisitions during his visit to Vermont.

I say it again: as long as these clowns are running the VTGOP, the Democrats have nothing to worry about.

So Phil Scott, moderate Republican and the party’s sole shining light: do you have anything to say about all this? What, exactly, is your vision for making the VTGOP into something other than a complete joke?

2 thoughts on “Angry Jack is determined to get jiggy

  1. Jack’s idea for bolstering the Republican Party in Vermont:

    Hedley Lamarr: I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.

    Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?

    Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.

    Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.

    Applicant: I like rape.

    Hedley Lamarr: Repeat after me: I…

    Men: I…

    Hedley Lamarr: …your name…

    Men: …your name…

    Hedley Lamarr: [to himself] Shmucks.

    [continues aloud]

    Hedley Lamarr: …pledge allegiance…

    Men: …pledge allegiance…

    Hedley Lamarr: …to Hedley Lamarr…

    Men: …to Hedy Lamarr…

    Hedley Lamarr: THAT’S HEDLEY!

    Men: That’s Hedley!

    Hedley Lamarr: …and to the evil…

    Men: …and to the evil…

    Hedley Lamarr: …for which he stands.

    Men: …for which he stands.

    Hedley Lamarr: Now go do… that voodoo… that YOU do… SO WELL…!

    [Men shoot at the sky in joy and ride off]  

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