I’m standing in line NOW

I’m not fucking around this year

When those doors open Friday 4am

I’ll be the first one in

Everything I can grab

I’ve got my down sleeping bag

And a heavy duty tarp

Used to be I’d go hiking with them

Fuck that  Weren’t no stores

On the trails

People are giving me looks

Like ain’t they ever seen

An activist shopper?

What?  Do I have to have a sign?

Like:  Fuck You!  I Was Here First!

I’ve got lots of water

And a thermos of cognac

I have take-out delivered

And my laptop to monitor

Any changes in the specials

You think I’m ridiculous?

Well I’ll be the one this year

To have THREE DVDs of Neil Diamond’s

“Lost You In The Elections”

You won’t have any  I Was Here First!

I feel like an old fashioned explorer

A mountain climber on Everest

I prepared ahead and I am driven

Don’t try to glom on my place

I have a gun in my pack

The media will be here soon

To put me on TV

I’m on TV and you’re NOT

I’m like the first astronaut on Mars

A sports star  No Pain, No Satellite Vane

Still it is lonely being here  Being me

Look at those dumb fuckers

Buying shit that’s on sale Friday

No wonder the country’s gone to hell

If they’d just get in fucking line NOW

Imagine what we all could do

All of us in lines all over the country?

In lines all the way across the country!

They’d have to start paying us

Giving us the shit for free

That’s why those store clerks look at me

Like they’re scared shitless

Bet they’d like to call the cops

But I’m staying right here

I know my rights  I’m an American

I’m keeping the Chinese and the Muslims

From taking over  They’d destroy all this

Everything I live for and hold dear

Watching the sunsets and sunrises

Over the Mall  Waiting for 4am Friday

Waiting for them to open the doors

And the the rush  Like an orgasm

Like hitting the beach at that Tarawa place

And running up to the Japs and screaming:

“Where’s your fucking Sonys?!”

Yeah I love the smell of products in the morning

And I’m going to get plenty too

And after it’s all over you know what?

My favorite part?  Taking everything back

For a refund  THAT’S why I’m here

And you probably thought

I was just an asshole

Well I hope you’re behind me in line

Next Monday at the Courtesy Counter

Maybe you’ll fucking learn something

What time is it anyway?

My watch is fucked-up

Going to get THREE new ones

Return two of them  Ah hell  All three

Time should be free  Don’t you think?

Peter Buknatski

Montpelier, Vt.