Dear Rock Art – DON’T SIGN IT!

Dear Rock Art –

Thank you for your Vermontster and for a brewery giving us a quality, value-added, local & appreciated product that raises the overall level of goodness in the world.

Relative to:

[Rock Art] president Matt Nadeau is cautious about spelling out the agreement before getting instructions from his attorney.

— may I humbly offer some free advice.

1.  Don’t sign a “settlement” agreement.  The frivolous bullies at Hansen realize they have given themselves a self-inflicted Black-Eye. You have nothing to settle (unless they are agreeing to pay you a hefty sum of money for your loss of resources over these past few days). You are not going to enter the Caffeinated Artificially Flavored Sugar Water Punch market anyway so why agree not to that market? Let’s face it, it would cheapen your image to sell the type of garbage that Hansen sells.

2.  If you are inclined to sign a settlement (sigh), refuse to do so unless the terms specifically & honestly identify that the market you agree not to enter is the “Caffeinated Artificial  Multi-Colored Flavored Sugar Water Punch” market.  As we have pointed out here at GMD, the Hansen products do not give “energy.” Rather, their liquid products merely offer a chemically induced bodily reaction that may mimic “energy” among the culinarily gullible.

3.  Finally, if you do sign a settlement — correctly identifying the market you refuse to enter as the:

“Caffeinated Artificial Multi-Colored Flavored Sugar Water Punch” market

— then PLEASE DO NOT sign the confidentiality agreement that Hansen will undoubtedly insist upon having. You MUST put a copy of the agreement on your website so all the world can see what a pathetic bunch of bullying and backtracking dissembling corporate assholes the Hansen folks really are.

Sincerely — another satisfied customer.


Well, isn’t this special.  Among the ingredients dumped into Hansen’s chemically aggregated “Monster” Caffeinated Artificial Multi-Colored Flavored Sugar Water Punch are:

carbonated water



citric acid



sodium citrate




sorbic acid

benzoic acid


sodium chloride








About Caoimhin Laochdha

Central Vermont life-long civil liberties activist. I offset my carbon footprint by growing my own energy and riding my bicycle at least 8 months of the year. Every election cycle, since Gerald Ford's social promotion to the Oval Office, I've volunteered for at least one Democratic presidential campaign that ultimately finished in second (or lower) place.

4 thoughts on “Dear Rock Art – DON’T SIGN IT!

  1. There’s about 5 kinds of sugar or sweetener in there, and taurine was originally isolated from cow piss, although a site at Vanderbilt says the taurine that energy drinks use is made synthetically.

    In addition, the Rock Art folks should insist that the Hansen company (makers of Monster Artificial Caffeinated Multi-Colored Flavored Sugar Water Punch) agree not to get into the beer biz with any brew name that contains the words Vermont, Vermonster, Rock, and Art, and any other names Rock Art is using for its brews.


    In Heaven they have no beer, that’s why we drink it here.  

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *