Gonzales, Butt-Plugs, Job Security & the Dutch

(CL’s got a way with words, no? Enjoy! – promoted by JDRyan)

Yesterday’s hearings showed the Attorney General lying, obfuscating; and once more, unconvincingly pleading ignorance to the criminal activity he has navigated on behalf of the Bush administration. At the same time, he gave even more compelling testimony proving he is unqualified to be Attorney General and unworthy of any position of trust.

Will he go? NO.

One more time: ALBERTO GONZALES IS NOT RESIGNING. Gonzo has better job security than most anyone I know including most prognosticating his immediate departure. He will not leave the Attorney General post. Even if he wanted to go, which is possible, Mister Bush will not allow it.  

There are two primary and related reasons for Bush keeping Gonzales at DOJ.

First, the Senate will not confirm — or even hold hearings to confirm a replacement Attorney General — until their investigators have turned Abu’s office upside down. Keeping Abu as His Attorney General is therefore Mister Bush’s least bad option. 

Secondly, and consequently, losing Abu carries too many liabilities and opens the Justice Department to unaffordable sunlight. The Dep’t of Justice flank is Mister Bush’s most vulnerable, and it is the last one he will leave exposed. Losing Gonzales will invite Democrats (and media to the extent it cares) into a vault Bush claims is not there, to find evidence Bush claims does not exist, about activities Bush claims never happened.

The level of criminal activity, human & civil rights abuses, mismanagement and corruption is unparalleled in U.S. history.  Bush cannot trust anyone else at the Justice Dep’t helm because he cannot trust anyone, other than Gonzales, to blithely cover-up and lie with the loyal abandon that is the Alberto Gonzales trademark. In Mister Bush’s eyes, the level of embarrassment caused by Abu’s incompetence, perjury, lawlessness and contempt for constitutional rights and civil liberties is a welcome distraction. Gonzo’s liabilities remain insignificant to Mister Bush compared to the resultant sunlight that will shine on direct evidence of executive branch crimes if  the obstructer-in-chief is no longer there to protect his master-in-chief’s interests.

Little Dutch Boy

Abu Gonzales will remain ensconced in Justice as long as Bush holds on in the White House because in Mister Bush’s eyes Gonzales is like the administration’s little Dutch boy.

Gonzales is standing with his finger in a creaking dike that is near bursting. Everyone sees the dike nearing the breaking point from a torrent of rampant criminality. The worse it gets for Gonzales standing at the base of this dike, the more Bush needs him to stay and keep the truth from washing past. Worse than a light socket and less inviting than a snake hole, no one else will jam their own finger into this swelling dike of overflowing corruption to save only one person. The last thing Mister Bush wants to know are the consequences of Abu withdrawing his fat little finger. Until the dike is fixed, no one else will put their finger in on Mister Bush’s behalf either.  (FYI-the Dike is not scheduled for maintenance until January 2009).

Many of Bush’s reasons for keeping Abu at DOJ are obvious. A successor tapped for the Attorney General chair will be beholden to a confirmation process more than the President. Mister Bush needs loyalty. Loyalty requires a finger in the dike rather than an open mouth in the Senate. Watching Gonzales hold up the dike is far less stressful to Mister Bush than sweating the disclosures needed to start a confirmation process.

The Butt-Plug

Let’s face it, this administration operates like a (poorly functioning) colon.

The unchallenged tolerance for GOP criminal activity, mismanagement, kleptocracy, fraud and abuse sits like gridlocked and compacted shit unable to pass through a waste system of GOP controlled government. Hiding Mister Bush’s crimes and holding back evidence of his administration’s systemic complicity is like trying to plug a ballooning colon until after the 2008 election cycle. In the Bush administration, the obvious place to fear an evidentiary evacuation is at the Dep’t of Justice. Unfortunately for Judge Gonzales, he is perched at the evacuation point just as Mr. Bush feels the sudden onset of a dysenteric implosion.

Bush knows how uncomfortable Judge Butt-Plug is, and he realizes that everyone wants him to just let it go. Instead he arrogantly sits there pretending nothing is wrong and pretending no one is noticing his eyes bulging as he pushes his ass against his presidential chair with every ounce of his strength. Pulling Gonzales out of his administration’s bungy-hole would effectively flush the Justice Dep’t with a constitutional enema. It could drown the White House in it own untreated sewage. 

Mister Bush’s default instinct is fear and it drives him to deceitfully jam the Gonzales Butt-Plug further up his ass. Between Gonzales and Bush, that feeling is awkwardly mutual and mutually uncomfortable.

Someone has cleaned up Bush’s messes his entire life. In the dark recesses of his little brain, however, he fears and knows this mess will be different. As uncomfortable as the Gonzo Butt-Plug is to everyone near Bush, his dwindling inner circle of true believers realize no Attorney General following Gonzales will so willingly plug himself in and loyally hold back the shit.

The Game

Bush’s demand that Gonzales stay at Justice is a strategic call, not a loyal one. Appreciating this dynamic can only help to put more pressure on Bush.

More importantly, Democrats can better drive a wedge between the Bush administration and the congressional and establishment Republicans who are being tarred with this obscene spectacle. Outside of Bush’s inner circle, those Republicans fear Gonzales as a liability as much as Mister Bush fears his own personal liabilities if Gonzales is forced to leave.

Bottom line, Gonzales will not leave the Attorney General post under the current cloud. If there is one person who will close the lights on this administration, it will be that little shit now sitting on the top floor of the Dep’t of Justice. He will be the last to go.

The immediate Democratic strategy is therefore to make him an even greater liability and to spread those liabilites widely and thickly on the rest of the GOP. If Mister Bush insists that Gonzo stay on the job as a national disgrace to shield his administration, then he must be used as a political sword against those Republicans who find the rule of law and constitutional democracy so offensive under a Bush presidency.



About Caoimhin Laochdha

Central Vermont life-long civil liberties activist. I offset my carbon footprint by growing my own energy and riding my bicycle at least 8 months of the year. Every election cycle, since Gerald Ford's social promotion to the Oval Office, I've volunteered for at least one Democratic presidential campaign that ultimately finished in second (or lower) place.

2 thoughts on “Gonzales, Butt-Plugs, Job Security & the Dutch

  1. And may this entire Bush posse of criminals be impeached, convicted, removed, indicted, sentenced, extradited, deported, and forgotten.

    May they rot in the foreign prisons of countries where they have committed the worst of their violent crimes against innocent people.

    Gonzales is a national disgrace.  However, in the Bush calculus, a national disgrace trumps a personal embarrassment or the political inconveniences that accompany honesty.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *